Josefiend

hot dog liberty assembly

To celebreate my 2nd anniversary as a Naturalized American, Hot Dog Liberty was going to be my patriotic offering to the world and/or my humble entry to my friend Dug’s “most patriotic” contest at today’s 4th of July BBQ. And as we all know, there are few things more American than hot dogs and the Statue of Liberty!

And so, I spent a harried afternoon cooking packages of Ball Park® Franks, slicing them in half, and then carefully putting them in either red food coloring or blue. I wore an apron! I drank PBR from a can! I was a mere apple pie away from FULL-ON AMERICA!

And as I carefully crafted Lady Liberty, I paused here and there to photograph the process. The creation of the watermelon + other melon “lady” shape. The careful soaking of the hot dogs in red or blue food coloring . The slow, but intentional placement of each hot dog slice using wooden toothpicks. I even took a photo of my bloodied thumb after I sliced into it while cutting the jagged edges of Liberty’s torch from a hot pepper. I was bleeding for liberty, people!

hot dog statue of liberty

After finishing the Statue of Liberty’s hot dog skirt and carefully jabbing most of the toothpicks into the melon to hide my handiwork, I carried Hot Dog Liberty downstairs so I could photograph her in the sunlight of freedom and the glory that is America. Click. Click. Click. Photograph, adjust, photograph, photograph. I was awash with pride for my adopted country. I high-fived myself.

. . .

The BBQ was fabulous. There was much meat. And salad. And a USA Chicken Pot Pie. And Lady Liberty was the centerpiece. Her red and blue hot dog skirt shimmered in the Seattle sunshine. And all was good.

Upon returning home, however, it was as if I’d failed to save the Declaration of Independence on my computer. Akin to Paul Revere riding out to announce the Red Coats without checking that his lamp was lit. George Washington forgetting to put in his choppers before getting into the boat and crossing the Delaware. I FORGOT TO CHECK MY CF CARD BEFORE TAKING PHOTOS.

the andy griffith of hot dogs

And thus, what you see here is all that I have. No process documentation. No red and blue coloring. No bleeding for liberty. Let’s hope I learn from this mistake.

Oh. I won the most patriotic prize at Dug and Conner’s! Bohyah! So perhaps not all is lost afterall …